I'am back....

It's nice to hear your voice

Hi all, it’s been some time since I put pen to paper, but as I alluded to you before, doing this sort of thing is not easy for me. Coupled with my horrendous work schedule, the motivation was just not there.

However, last night was a very momentous occasion in my life, and I wanted to share it with anyone who would listen. Also, by doing this it might help me in some way going forward.

I Spoke To My Youngest Son For The First Time In Two And Half Years.

As most you know, I am in my second and final marriage. I must also add Radmila is the best wife I have ever had (I am often reminded). I digress. My first marriage yielded two beautiful sons for whom I am truly thankful.

For you to fully grasp the significance of this post I have to paint you a picture of my eldest son, and it may seem to you I am being immodest, but please bear with me because in this case I am not.

• He is, and always has been a b+ student
• He is currently in his second year at Ryerson University studying Aero Space Engineering. (Did not get that from me I can assure you)
• He is equally loyal and protective of his Mother, Radmila and Myself. It’s tough at times on him but still manages without offending any one of us.
• Any time we’ve had to visit his school, the superlatives never stopped. At times too good to be true.
• Kids love to be around him
• He is a part of a National Youth Group that meets twice yearly in different parts on Canada.

You get the picture.

My younger son on the other hand had difficulties from the time he was born. He had a full blood transfusion at the ripe age of three days old. He was severely jaundiced.

As a young child he was beautiful and loving, however there were signs that he was going to be a challenge.

The following is not intended for you to feel in any way sad for him. He is loved and cared for by everyone he encounters.

He has spent much of his education in specialized settings over the years; he has also received services from a variety of agencies over his life span.

The break up and subsequent divorce had a dramatic effect on him. (The split had absolutely nothing to do with him) He also had a hard time dealing with an over achieving brother and a very demanding mother who along with myself did not have true picture of what he was going through.

To be continued…

Public Speaking

Two words that evoke fear in the hearts of the toughest men and women.
Beyond the normal adrenalin rush and nervousness, I have no fear.

I am a certified trainer with the company for which I work; one element of the position includes teaching classes to new managers and presenting any new initiatives that the company may have.

The people in the classes number fifteen to thirty. There is also usually a varied degree of experience in the room. The classes can run for as little as two hours to as long as two days.

I am a stutter and have been for most of my life.

The key to my success is to make other people comfortable with my stuttering.
In my learnings about myself, I’ve found that when I am stutt… stutt… stuttering and trying to deliver a message, the receiver tends to focus on facial ticks and my other struggles trying to get the words out.

The message is lost, and they are usually embarrassed for me, they also empathize and sometimes they laugh.
At times, I look and sound very funny and I laugh too.

Beyond that, I am amazed with my success speaking in public.

You may not believe it, but I was not born a stutter.

When I was about seven years old, there was a boy in the neighborhood (his name escapes me) who was a terrible stutter. I made fun of him at every opportunity. This went on for about two years. Kids being kids.

When we moved away, I could not stop.
There is a God.. I suppose..

I have gone to several different speech therapists over the years and none of them have been able to help.

Over time, I have developed my own techniques to minimize my condition. My family, close friends and work colleagues tend not to notice anymore.

So to all the stutters out there, remember it’s not you, it’s them.

And to all the people who have encountered a stutter, It’s not them, it’s you.

Writer's Block. Sort of

Are you still there?!?



If you are, thank you for keeping the faith.
I started this Blog while I was on holidays, then it was easy to find the time.
However after getting back into the working regime, I found that I was too elsewhere, and too frazzled to effectively put my thoughts into words.

Another reason I went on hiatus was my wife; her writing skills totally intimidate me.
She makes it seem effortless, but for me it is painful.

I had not told anyone that I had started a blog. However, my best friend (whom I wrote about much earlier) read my posts and he was awed by my efforts.
That was enough for me.

I will continue to post as often as possible.

Thanks for your patience everyone.

I'll be posting shortly.

Bush or Kerry

Two subjects I try not to get into arguments about are Religion and Politics. Religion because you cannot win. Wars have been started over Religion. I also do not argue over politics because I firmly believe if you do not like the government and what they stand for then use your vote. Don’t get me wrong, I am very opinionated on both subjects and can articulate my ideas and thoughts as well as the next person.
However, I choose not to be involved in the type of display I witnessed recently.

Saturday last, I went to a party and an argument about Politics erupted. A group of about eight guys were standing around talking, when the subject got on to movies and then onto Michael Moore's “Fahrenheit 9/11”. From there, it went to the upcoming elections in the US.

Interestingly, the topic never made it to US foreign policy as I thought it would, but these guys were actually yelling and screaming about who the better candidate was Bush or Kerry.
The booze, the yelling, the music made it hard for me to follow, so I am not sure who came out the winner. I thought, you have a bunch of Canadian men almost coming to blows over ‘AMERICAN POLITICIANS’
Now how stupid is that? I though it would have been much more interesting had they bothered to explore history of the two parties, and the effects of their individual foreign policies on Canada.
I could have only hoped.
I might have participated.

Night Fishing

Folks, last night I did something for the first time, that I never envisioned doing.
I went Night Fishing (for salmon). I actually have enjoyed fishing with the boys but I have never associated it with being a nocturnal sport.

My new neighbour who is a fervent angler invited me. When he told me, we would be leaving at 8pm returning at 2am I was a bit troubled. I went along for two reasons; first, it would allow me to get to know him a little better, and secondly, it was something different to do.

When we got the docks at Port Hope, I was flabbergasted to see 50 to 60 people (men and women) fishing at that time of night. I became aware of a subculture that I previously did not know existed.


The evening was quite enjoyable, even though we did not snag any fish. The conversation and the atmosphere made it a worthwhile experience. I learned something new about fishing and I got to know a lot more about my new neighbour. We have a lot more in common than I previously thought. It’s going to be fun having him next door.

A True Friend

We have been very tight for over twenty years; we partied together, laughed together and shared a few secrets. He even knows where the bodies are buried. As we got older, our priorities changed; life got busier. We saw each other less (about once every two months) but still spoke quite often on the phone and we always attended each other’s special family functions. For some explicable reason I stopped communicating with my friend. Perhaps it was I was depressed over my relationship with my younger son (later with that issue), I don’t know. We did not speak over Christmas or the New Years Holidays, he called a few times and spoke to my wife but I did not return his calls. Now you must be thinking “what an idiot”. Well, believe me the longer this went on, the worse I felt. I was ashamed and embarrassed over my actions. Eventually he stopped calling. I had lost my very best friend because of my self-absorption. Last May, I realized how much I missed my friend. I missed his voice of reason, his objectivity and most of all his presence. I decided to call. It took me days to gather the courage. I made the call. After making the call, I finally got the message of what True Friendship is. When he got on the phone, I was stuttering, babbling, apologizing and justifying. He only asked on question; “WHY”? I said I could not explain. He said he understood (he lied). We kept on talking and were able to be caught up with each other’s lives in about an hour. You could not imagine my relief. Things between us are as if nothing had happened. We do not go back to that dark time. I continue to reflect from time to time, as to why my behavior towards my bro was so bizarre.